I feel soo empty. Like the bottle next to my desk. It sounds like im drunk. But im not. It's just my favourit bottle. i dropped it down in the "morning" and i left it there. It came so suddenly. As i remember it was on monday evening.

Monday morning i had a great time examining the littel creatures from the Union Canal. It was fun. I had a delicious lunch, but the afternoon was just screwed up. That theacher won the Most boring teacher of the century Award. Im disappointed. Microbiology supposed to be interesting, i was soo looking forward for it, but that man makes it so boring. Yes, i get that we need intoduction and presentation but not that way. What he mentiones during one hour i could summaryse in 3 sentences.  Grrrrrrrrrr. I've never would tought that something can make me so sleepy in the middle of the day that i cant pay attention at all. I almost flammed the pipette... I was like oh, my God. I got a 4 from Ian, tha assistent for my last week microorgnism dilution. It was fair enough. I like him he is cool. I didnt know it but he is doing his PhD by freshwater stuff. That means maybe he wont be here next year. Never mind. People come, people go. The finger tip experiment was interesting, but i'd expect that he says one or two things about the bacterias which are on the agar soil. Without that it was a bunch of uknown yellow and white marks. I was interested in the type of the bacterias, once, if we had to do that. I dont care if it's scary or disgusting. These bacterias are there anyway, doesnt matter if i dont know nothing about them. 

After the lab,at Bio+, Mark asked us if we were ok. I said im tired, disappointed and err...what did i say oh i cant remember. But something like sad, or sleepy... He summaryzed it and he was smiling. I said he need to do something interesting to make me wake up. And he succeed. Unnoticed and loud. He said something really new about bees. We were surprised and amazed. We laughed a lot. Even if i still dont get the group selection, i've had a good time. I told him something about goats which he didnt know. That they sleep together always 3 of them, to 3 directions.

I was listening Shine, on tha way home. I dont know when did my mood changed. As i said, it was very sudden. Maybe in the shop while i was waiting to my phone top up I really dont know. But from that time i just couldnt be bothered about anything any more. I ate a lot, and i was angry of course. I felt empty. I didnt want to go bed, i didnt want to be awake. Maybe the article with the serial killers. That was the matter. But im still not sure.

In the morning i missed the maths. I couldn't get up. But i wanted to go so because i think today was the help session for the next course work. I kicked off myself from the bed at 10 past 10. but just because i had to go up to Craiglockhart for the tickets to St. Andrews. Anyway, the tickets ran out. I felt that this will happen. We are on waiting list with Juliane. I hate waiting lists. I never suceed with them. Crap....

I went up to the hill again. I love that place. I tought it will make me happy, just as last time. But it didnt. I still felt empty and - i think a bit - depressed, but not lonely. The feeling of lonelyness is different. Its just emptyness. I liked the place, the sun, i felt the wind, but aint come what i expected. The secret happyness which i always can feel in an autumn forest. i felt beaten. I walked down slowly. Vagyis nem én, hanem mi. Végig velem volt, és beszélgettünk. Nagyon nagyon szerelmesek vagyunk. De valahogy ez most nem vele van kapcsolatban. Mi együtt vagyunk mindenképp.

I signed up for membership to the gym which is at Craiglockhart. I have to go there whenever i can cuz it wasnt cheap. If i finish this, ill go.

And in the evening, i go out with the girls. I dont know what to think. They like me and help me a lot. I love them. but im not as excited as i should be about the goin out. At least the drinks are cheap there.