Im obviously not gonna go to bed. I'm only up for like what, 12 hrs.
Fucked up tvduck wouldnt let me watch Dexter even I was having the break. Should hv closed that shit.Oh well.

I feel like i was alone on the entire country. Its quiet, its dark, its empty.
I still havent used the book i have. I should do. and i want it too. its just the usual 'being lazy and always finding something else much better to do' case.
Wonder if i can do what i planned to for tomorrow. I know myself,i know how much i hate to plan and i still do it. its like a pressure from inside. I hate it, i do it and than i know i would fail it. Do i enjoy failing? do i punish myself? do i enjoy being angry with myself?
well. no. fucking no. but i have a slight addiction to it at the same time. Feeling complex? hell, yeah.
It's gonna be bloody freezin' again. No way i would do that run. Oh, no. I know too much about myself to believe in this. I want a winter like it is at home. Not like this. Freezing and grey. Pointless suffer of nature and man. It looks like a curse. Wonder why did they get it. im sure every country has a curse.

I want him. i want him now "Safe in his arms, close to his heart... But i don't know quite where to start..." Ez a sor sokkal jobb így mint magyarul.
Érdekes volt figyelni hogy mi az amit másképp csinál v mond részegen, mint józanul. Semmi különös, csak egy kicsit többet engedett meg magának mint szokott. De ezt élveztem. Szélesebb, hirtelenebb, kevésbé visszafogott gesztusok, a szokásos őszinteség és a szenvedés. Mert hogy mi ezt választottuk. How fucked up is that?! I dont know. I dont know either how long we can last. But it looks like we will make it.
I fuckin cant wait till april. i want him now. and its not mainly about sex. its about the feeling of holding onto him, the feeling, the way he holds me. His lips on my hair...
Heaven help my heart!